Comments on: Marriage names and Google rankings: A feminist 2.0 dilemma

By: headey

headey — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 21:15:01 +0000

Interesting how the author phrased the issue:

“When I got married two years ago, the whole name change issue confused me. I decided to hyphenate, combining my last name and my husband’s with a tiny dash.”

In other words, it was considered a woman’s issue, NOT a man’s. It never is. Ever wondered why?

There are many reasons given, by both men and women, why women adopt their husband’s names. Most, in my opinion, are hollow. If you really want to then there’s nothing to stop you. However, giving reasons like, “I want to honour my husband” or “I hate my surname” are simply disingenuous (imo). Here is a list of the common reasons I’ve found written on message boards, and my reasons why they don’t stack up:

http://keepyoursurname.livejournal.com/

By: Susanna

Susanna — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 01:54:21 +0000

I was married almost 35 years ago and decided not to take my husband’s name for the usual feminist reasons.

However, my two daughters and son took his (their father’s) surname largely because having children was more my preference than his and I also felt that since I had the privilege of gestating and birthing them, with that experience denied to the male parent, them taking his surname would be some compensation. Maybe some “equalisation” even.

In retrospect, perhaps the girls could have taken my last name and the boy his. This would enable some nominal equality between parents and save the hypenation problem for future generations. The last name of the opposite sexed parent could be the child’s middle name, dropped when she or he formed a union with another person in later life.

By: DJ Nelson

DJ Nelson — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 18:12:06 +0000

I haven’t changed my last name and at this point I don’t plan to. We both agreed that we would BOTH change our last names as we married each other- I didn’t just marry him. But as time has passed I really don’t see the need to. I just don’t feel like going through the hassle. And that is what it seems like- hassle just to “prove” to people who I don’t care about that I am married. It has nothing to do with loyalty or commitment or love or whatever people say that indicates they have little knowledge on naming history and customs.

But I might change my mind and go back to the original agreement if it comes up, only because that is what I agreed to.

Our children will have both of our names, no hyphen. I admit that I am perplexed about women who don’t change their name and then give their kids their husbands name. No offense but anything that grows in me and comes out of my body is having my last name…or I guess at least a part of it. I just don’t get the insistence of giving a child the fathers name other than reasons that directly related to everything being so patriarchal.

By: Jeff (Marriages In Asia)

Jeff (Marriages In Asia) — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 10:27:02 +0000

I’m not married yet, and am nowhere near close but I have zero intentions of changing my name when it happens. First of all, the amount of paperwork involved with changing your name is enough of a deterrent. Second of all, I happen to be Muslim, and in my religion the name your parents gave you when you were born will always be your name. No amount of legal documents changes that. Third of all, my name is MY NAME. Why should marriage change that? Furthermore, it will be the name that my future-potential husband will have fallen in love with. Hopefully he’ll want me to keep it. I’m still rather young, and trying to figure out how much of a feminist I am, and if that is the reason why I feel so strongly about it. All I know for sure is that I was born Fathima Khan, and I intend to stay that way.

By: Vicki

Vicki — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 03:45:23 +0000

Thanks for bringing up the many faceted points of this argument. I’ve used in in exploring my own ideas about names:http://www.vickiboykis.com/?p=79

By: Drietlediat

Drietlediat — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 03:37:26 +0000

I think you are thinking like sukrat, but I think you should cover the other side of the topic in the post too…

By: Ruby Sinreich

Ruby Sinreich — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 15:02:24 +0000

I agree, Isabel, and I really don’t get folks who give their children the dad’s last name “for convenience” like Roiphe in the original post. How is that more convenient than just using the mom’s last name? As long as the default is patriarchal we have to stop being so lazy.

By: Isabel

Isabel — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 03:42:13 +0000

We women will know we made it when we read posts like these in which men spend their time justifying or commenting on why the chose to keep or change their name when they got married.

Ladies, we are missing the point. As long as women ponder this question and men don’t, we will not be equal.

By: TheFeministBreeder

TheFeministBreeder — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 04:19:10 +0000

This is an odd coincidence. My name is also Gina, and my husband and I also hyphenated… and our children have both names as well. We did it for the same reasons the Gina in the story did it. Weird.

By: Stephanie Himel-Nelson

Stephanie Himel-Nelson — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 22:36:21 +0000

Well, you can see that I’ve done the socially irresponsible thing! LOL! I’ve actually gone back and forth though. I got married in 1995, before Google juice was an issue. I changed my name and used Stephanie Himel Nelson. Sort of like HRC. But no one would use both names. It drove me crazy, so I hyphenated after a year. My own name is much more memorable and it’s a part of me and my history. I couldn’t just give that up. I do what you do though. I use Nelson for my kids class and when it’s just easier. (No one can pronounce Himel.) My kids have my husband’s last name.

One of my good friends combined her name with her husband’s to make an original last name. They both use it, there’s no hyphen, and the kids use it too. I love the idea of combining names and lives and histories in that manner.