It used to be the province of the maiden aunt, the unmarried family member with no children of her own. She would be called upon in times of need to help with her siblings’ offspring, or the parents who had become infirm.
Women have always cared for others. Sometimes, it was the only way they could support themselves in economies that didn’t allow for other options (think Jane Eyre).
For those who can not afford the services of others, or are combining caregiving tasks with their own full-time work, the physical and emotional demands are exhausting.
I have had the experience from both sides of the life cycle. Parents, who had long and productive lives, required help when they were felled by extended illness. A child, whose needs went beyond the requisite care, necessitated my time, energy, and focus to ensure that he was guaranteed a sure-footed path in life.
Having done both, I know it can be draining, frustrating, and at times – deeply sad. But I wouldn’t go back and change my choice to be pro-active. I saw tangible results from my actions, and I sleep with a clear conscience.
There is an ad on television about the middle-age woman who got behind in her credit card payments because she gave up her job to “take care of Mom.” The pitch line is she has a friend in her credit card company, so she doesn’t have to worry. (Yeah, right. Check the interest rate!).
Instead of credit card loans, how about a tax credit for those who need to leave the work force to take care of a family member? Let’s reexamine the structure of the social security benefits of a mother who needs to be at home with a child. In those “non-productive” years, a big, fat zero gets factored into her earnings average.
We need to move forward with advocacy and legislative solutions. For the caregivers devoted to either our older citizens or those who make up the future generation, there has got to be a better way.
I agree—well put point. People who need to caregive need to be respected and protected. Our society is only as strong as our weakest, kwim.
Thanks for the great post. It is a cruel irony that Medicare and many other state & local programs will gladly pay a stranger to provide impersonal care to our loved ones, but offer little or no assistance to family members who wish to assume this responsibility.
I agree that we need to move forward with advocacy & legislative solutions but sadly, I don’t see this as occurring in the near future for elder caregivers.
Faced with an economic crisis, it seems that the elderly have become targets of contempt. I’ve recently read a number of articles which essentially blame the current budget deficit in the US on Medicare and Social Security. There are many who advocate severe cuts in these programs, especially Medicare. However without Medicare many seniors, even those with good pension income, would be unable to afford the assistance that they need to maintain their health and a quality of life. I’ve even read many articles which imply that our government can no longer afford to take care of people who have outlived their usefulness.
If this the the attitude toward our senior citizens who helped build our society then I don’t hold out much hope that needs of caregivers will be met with much more understanding.
oy…outlived their usefulness…hey, at age 55 I would be useless without this computer and a husband who can cook, clean, grocery shop and do it better than I ever did…
I’m planning to euthanize myself and I’m planning it while I’m lucid enough to plan it. It’s gonna be Switzerland or Oregon the way it looks now. When my quality of life deteriorates to the point that I can’t recognize myself, perhaps I’ll consider myself useless, too…
Excellent point about maiden aunts and changing demographics. My guess that in large families the eldest daughter took up caregiving from the birth of the subsequent children. There were frail elderly living in the home or nearby so caregiving was intergnerational. Small wonder that some women became nuns in those days.