Teresa’s story originally appeared as part of The NFCA Story Project. Teresa lives in Martinsville, Indiana.

My name is Teresa. I live next door to my mother, Patricia, who has Parkinsons. My very large family has left it to me to help and care for her for many years because I am "right there," and they have very busy lives.

Mother has done and done for the family and is used to many people being around, but, after my father died and she couldn’t do so much for them, they quit coming around or even calling much. She was diagnosed about 10 years ago but it was mostly the motor impairment then. She has remained in her home and been mostly independent, with me just helping with transportation, home maintenance, etc. It has been very difficult to maintain two homes, work full time, and go to school, but recently she has hallucinated, developed dementia and confusion, falls a lot, and becomes agitated and argumentative. I had her doctor hospitalize her because the hallucinations got so bad. He said she should go to a "facility" temporarily because she would get worse, especially when ill. Only neither Medicare nor her insurance would pay because he wrote it up as "observation." Otherwise, they would take her income and probably her home. I have tried the Council on Aging, Aging Services, Medicaid, Medicare, her insurance, sliding scale caregiver agencies ($600/week!), social workers, our university eldercare program, all trying to get funds for someone to stay with her while I am at work.I can’t quit my job or pay someone a salary. I am currently seeing if she is eligible for VA survivor benefits (there is unclaimed money there), but for now I am paying my sister-in-law way more than I can afford. I don’t know how long I can. She still has enough "her" left in her I can’t bear the thought of a nursing home, but I can’t be there all the time, and she needs constant supervision. None of my family want to help, financially or time, but I am their hero and they are so sorry it’s all my responsibility. It hurts her (and me) that they care so little, and I am weak and sad to see her this way. She is a very independent, proud woman who has sacrificed for everyone and never asked for anything from anyone.

Good days I have hope.

Bad days I feel like I am fighting a losing battle, but I have to fight it anyway. My only solace has been connecting with others who are or have been there.

Wish List:

1.Someone who could be with my mother, give her medicine, feed her, etc., during the day while I am at work, that wouldn’t break me financially and that I could depend on.

2. The government could help by providing some type of home care or assistance for home care, or relaxing the Medicare requirements.

3. The most important thing is to keep mother in her own home as long as possible and to keep her as active and healthy as possible. I think loneliness has made her condition worse, so I wish her companionship.

For me I wish strength, faith, patience, and occasionally a minute to myself without guilt.

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