Angelina’s story originally appeared as part of The NFCA Story Project. Angelina lives in Laguna Niguel, California.

My name is Angelina. I am 39 years old, I am the single mother of two wonderful daughters ages 16 and 13, divorced 3 times and I have been caring for my 56 year old mother Carolyne for almost 16 years. She was involved in a single car accident 18 years ago — her husband was driving drunk and lost control of the vehicle. The end result was a complete severe at T2, with a Brachioplexis injury to her right shoulder and arm. Which means basically that she is a Tri-plegic. I’m sharing my story simply because I would love to know if there are any others out there going through some of the same conflicting emotions that I do on a daily basis. I suppose to clarify I’ll have to give some background information.

I am an only child, and my mother choose her husband (yes the very one that was driving drunk and crashed and then wanted nothing to do with her care once she was injured) over me and sent me to live with a foster family when I was 13. Her accident happened when I was 21. From the time she threw me out and the time her accident happened, we had begun to mend our relationship to a certain extent.

Being the only child, I really felt like, and continue to feel like it is my obligation to care for her. Yet at the same time, I have days where I feel much resentment because at this point I have been caring for her longer than she cared for me. Then there was the time my mother was crying and thanking me for taking care of her and I said, "Mom, please stop crying, you’re family, I love you, and you’d do the same for me" to which she simply replied, "Well, no, I wouldn’t." Now how could this women who I had forgiven for tossing me out at 13, who I was the sole care provider for over 16 years with as much patience and understanding as I can muster, say those words to me? Will I never be able to please her? Will I ever be able to adequately show her that I care and value her? Will my sacrifice (because as a family care provider we all know that our lives are not our own as long as we do what we do) ever be acknowledged by the one person I need most in the world to acknowledge? Am I the only one going through this? I feel as though I’m slowly slipping further and further away from who I am, and who I could be.

Wish List

Wish list… Personally, I find myself wishing for one day off, a real day off, one where no one needs anything from me — that would be a dream come true. What would make caregiving easier for me, well, if I could get the proper supplies that we need, for example, a new shower chair rather then the same one we got 18 years ago, or perhaps if we could get that new electric wheelchair that is supposed to be given every 7 years (she’s in her 2nd one and she’s been in it for 18, you do the math), the list is long but those would be the top two. The government, well, I guess any help requested won’t actually be addressed until someone with power and influence within the government because a Family Care Provider.

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