Men Calling Women Crazy: A Guide to Truth and Fiction

Look, there’s this piece on XoJane entitled “I Slept With A Crazy Girl” right now, and it just seems sort of sad and awful. You can read it all here, but the main points are: - Some totally sane dude knew this crazy girl. She was crazy because she drunk texted people, I guess? She drunk texted, periodically. - He invited her out to watch sports and bought her 4 or 5 beers - He had her back to his apartment and let her blow him. - They woke up after a nap and “Crazy D asked if I wanted her to blow me again. It felt like an odd move — too much, too soon and slightly desperate. Who blows someone twice on the first date, I thought. It seemed surreal.” Dude! Blowing you twice. That crazy bitch. - After an hour D asked him how many girls he was seeing and said she “didn’t just want to be another piece of ass.” - Crazy, right? He’s not sure “how to ignore her without feeling guilty.” How… dare she have the audacity to think they might date? The first comment, from one of the XOJane editors, is “God, it’s like a horror movie. RUN, ANONYMOUS SINGLE GUY, RUN!” Huh? This guy was somehow victimized by… being an asshole? Run? From the girl you bought drinks? And had over? And let blow you? Twice? I say this as a heterosexual woman – I’d date her. Nothing about this girl really strikes me as “crazy,” because none of this is “crazy.” It sounds like D really wants a boyfriend and is lonely and possibly drinks too much. A sense of loneliness and insecurity is not crazy. It’s not even remotely uncommon. I’d go so far as to say it’s part of being a person, and not a god or a monster (Sir Francis Bacon will back me up on this). You know, it’s funny, generally when men refer to their exes as “crazy” what I keep hearing is “she had emotions, and I did not like that.” I think maybe there is some confusion on what crazy is. Dudes of the world – if you do not return your girlfriend’s calls for a week, and she shows up at your door yelling, she is not crazy. She is angry at you. There’s a difference. “Crazy’ would be if you did not return her calls for a week and she decided she was a lighthouse. That’s not to say that women don’t refer to ex-boyfriends as crazy as well, but when women say that, the subtext is generally “he beat up a cop. He’s in jail now.” Ashley just referred to Ted Nugent as “crazy” and I snapped, “what do you mean by that?” and she replied “he just threatened to kill Obama. The secret service is following up.” What men mean when they talk about their “crazy” ex-girlfriend is often that she was someone who cried a lot, or texted too often, or had an eating disorder, or wanted too much/too little sex, or generally felt anything beyond the realm of emotionally undemanding agreement. That does not make these women crazy. That makes those women human beings, who have flaws, and emotional weak spots. However, deciding that any behavior that he does not like must be insane – well, that does make a man a jerk. To continue reading this post, head over to The Gloss. Photo credit: Clinton Steeds via the Creative Commons License.

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  • Empiricist

    Be careful, by cherry picking you’re introducing serious threats to validity.