- Social Studies: Blame the Chinese! Blame the Chinese! (sung to the tune of “Blame Canada”)
- Math: This is a remedial course, taught by former President Bill Clinton. He’s good at arithmetic.
- Science: Bwahahahah! There’s no science section in Romney’s binder, silly!
- Reading: Hmm, looks to be a remedial course in reading comprehension.
- Biology: Repeat after me: Your body belongs to Jesus you slutty, slutty whorebag.
- Phys Ed: He’ll just pay his buddy Paul Ryan to take that class.
Debate Night: A Binder Full Of Women
So, Mitt Romney has a binder full of women. I wonder if that’s anything like the locker full of women many pubescent teens have. At any rate, this got me thinking about the good old days when I had binders for school. Or, better yet, when I had a Trapper Keeper. I can almost smell the freshly sharpened No. 2 pencils and the sounds of Michael Jackson’s Thriller album on my tape-deck. Indeed, I had a Michael Jackson folder — he was stylin’ in white pants, button down, and a yellow sweater vest — in my Lisa Frank unicorn Trapper Keeper. That was a sweet, sweet Trapper Keeper. Now I’m fixated on this idea of school binders with those neat little subject dividers that help everything stay organized. Because if there is one thing I suspect Mitt Romney is very good at, it’s being efficient. After all, you don’t get rich by dismantling companies and shipping their jobs overseas with precision by accident. Perhaps we should look inside Mitt’s binder: