This piece was cross-posted with permission from Andy Kopsa

The only way I get my news from God is via his Twitter account. Some people get their information on their knees, some in a house of worship, others hear God through Fox News. This week, the Almighty boiled down into one new commandment what I had been struggling with in my small, mortal (female) brain over the past couple of weeks:


Classic God, able to put down in 140 characters the grotesque hypocrisy of some of his most ardent followers.

Lets take Mike Huckabee as an example.

Perpetual presidential candidate, yo-yo dieter, Fox News talking head, pastor and as it turns out flaming hypocrite.  Setting aside the truism that anyone who holds onto their beliefs (no matter the beliefs) so tightly as to wring its neck is bound to step on their own dick from time to time.

But Mike Huckabee has really given a delightfully disgusting example to compare (and contrast) with his public statements embracing child molester Josh Duggar followed by immature punch lines about Caitlyn Jenner as proxy for trans people everywhere.

Josh Duggar is a child molester (read that twice).

According to reports, he was at least 10 years older than his victims.  In many states, whether the pedophile is a minor or not, that age gap boosts whatever charges may be filed.  But, Josh was saved by his parents.  Jim Bob and Michelle sent him off to repair a roof as penance.  Amid the Duggar parents publicly victim blaming their own daughters and defending their child-molesting son came Mike Huckabee to the rescue.


Wow, right?

Then let’s turn to Huckabee’s thoughts on the trans community.  Addressing an adoring crowd:

If he “could have felt like a woman,” the Republican former Arkansas governor joked earlier this year, then he could have seen his female classmates without their clothes on.

“Now I wish that someone told me that when I was in high school that I could have felt like a woman when it came time to take showers in PE,” Huckabee said.”I’m pretty sure that I would have found my feminine side and said, ‘Coach, I think I’d rather shower with the girls today.’

You’re laughing because it sounds so ridiculous doesn’t it?”

In one go, Huckabee successfully creeps out the nation and proves he doesn’t understand – nor does he ever hope to try to understand – what it means to be a transgendered person.  Well done.

So, let me make sure I understand this.  Child molesters = Huckabee and his wife posting on Facebook that they will “run to them”.  Transgender people:  “sounds so ridiculous, doesn’t it?”

I have no inside information on this but I am going to go out on a limb and bet that Caitlyn Jenner (or Bruce Jenner) never molested a sister or two, or five.  But, in the eyes of people like Mike Huckabee Jenner (as a transwoman) is deserving of ridicule – a big funny joke to throw red meat to the right-wing base.  But,  Baby Factory Christian Quiverfull Homeschooling Duggar Family (and TLC gravy train) who knowingly let a child molester live in the same house as his victims and went not to victim blame their own daughters?  Totally fine.  No problem.  Indiscretion of youth.

Right wing Christian politicians and pundits believe there is a coming Transpocolypse.  They lost the gay marriage fight, now on to the really scary part of LGBT.  THE T!

I would pay money to see Transpocolypse the movie.

It will be directed by Lana Wachowski, starring Laverne Cox with cameos by Chaz Bono, Janet Mock and (introducing!) Caitlyn Jenner.

The movie opens in a young girl’s bedroom, she is sleeping soundly and dreaming of ice cream and seahorses.  Outside stands a shadowy figure (who is it?) looking up at the girl’s bedroom window.  He knows she is there.  He walks to the door and pulls out a key – he lives there it seems.  The dog on the kitchen floor doesn’t bark, instead runs to meet him wagging its tale.

He walks up the stairs, the twenty other members of his family are sleeping soundly, dreaming of the precious blood of Christ and their upcoming reality television series.  His hands sweat.  He goes to the girls door.  She wakes and hears the turning of the knob.  Even half awake she knows its him.  Ice cream and seahorses melt away, not again! she thinks and she starts to cry.

Just as the boy enters the room Laverne Cox as Wonder Woman comes crashing through the window, placing herself between the boy and the girl.

“Oh no you don’t,” says Cox, hands on hips, shining cuffs and lasso of truth at her side.

The boy makes a run for it down the stairs and out the front door.  Chaz Bono is there as Maxwell Smart.  He sticks out his phone shoe and trips the boy (cut to upstairs Laverne is comforting the young girl – its gonna be all right baby girl, he won’t touch you ever again…).  The boy stumbles but recovers.  He has to make it to the river where his canoe is waiting for him!

But Janet has other ideas.  She already at the water’s edge she is Cat Woman (purrrrrfection) she lifted the canoe with one hand and launched it into a tree.  That boy won’t be getting away this time.  Her eye twinkles.

The boy is at a loss.  The look on his face is sheer panic.  Where did all these scary, anti-Christ brining trannies come from!  He turns to run away, Janet/Cat Woman lets him go and just smiles – she knows what’s coming for him.

He turns around are sees he isn’t being followed – he escaped!  He out ran those heathens.  He outran those subjects of ridicule and bullying – 40 per cent of them kill themselves anyway, he thinks as he breaks off into a light jog.  Ahhhhh, he thinks, I will live to molest another day.

But not so fast asshole!  Its Caitlyn Jenner, she has run you down at Olympic speed!  What’s that in her hand!  A javelin? What is she going to do with that???  With expert precision Caitlyn releases the javelin.  And her aim is true.

Camera pans to the boy.  He is pinned to a tree by Caitlyn’s javelin.  She was only aiming to pierce the fabric of his clothing, not his flesh.  They aren’t monsters after all, they aren’t going to kill anyone for Chrissakes.

Wonder Woman, Maxwell Smart, Cat Woman and Ms. Jenner stand and look at their quarry sobbing like a baby – not for the wrongs he has done but because he got caught.

Fade to black….

Maybe the transpocolypse is coming after all – just not in the way Huckabee and others think.

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