I have been in therapy, off and on, for the past six years.

In hindsight, I would describe the younger Kathleen as anxious, worried, and concerned about the future. As I got older, I became a perfectionist; one of those over-achieving kids who never felt as though they were ‘getting it right’. In university I began to develop obsessive tendencies – tapping light switches five times, checking locked doors five times, pushing the fridge door closed five times. Always patterns of five.

For a long time it was controllable so I figured it was normal. Besides, we all have our quirks. Many of us check all the burners on the stove before leaving the house, or feel the need to always carry hand sanitizer. So I figured I was just like everyone else. Besides, no one really told me otherwise.

And maybe I was like everyone else; that is until my obsessive tendencies began to take over my life. I would avoid using the stove at times, needed to ask others to lock the front door for me, spent many sleepless nights worrying about mundane things like my work computer, a light switch I turned on at the office, or whether the kettle may sporadically catch on fire.

At times, I had difficulty breathing, struggled with panic attacks, and became so ‘worked up’ that I needed hours to calm down. As much as it pained me to admit it, I was no longer like everyone else. It was no longer normal and I needed help.

But, like so many others, my decision to seek professional help was a painstaking one.

When someone is diagnosed with cancer, we describe them as ‘sick’ or ‘ill’, and approach them with empathy. We would categorize a broken leg as an ‘injury’, and offer to lend a helping hand. We donate, run, wear clothing, grow and cut our hair on behalf of many deserving physical illnesses.

What do we do for those struggling with mental illness?

We describe them as crazy, disturbed, deranged, insane, lunatics, ‘nuts’, troubled… the list goes on. In fact, a 2007 study has suggested that there are 250 labels utilized to negatively characterize mental illness. We have 250 ways to ridicule, fear, delegitimize, shame, and blame those diagnosed with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, anxiety, many other diagnosable mental illnesses, and an array of mental health concerns.

We stigmatize mental illness, and this very stigmatization causes those who struggle with mental health concerns to withdraw, disassociate, and isolate from others; all the while caught within an invisible struggle to regain ‘health’. The backlash so often associated with mental illness does not go unnoticed; many live in fear and choose instead to keep their challenges with mental illness secret from family, friends, and helping professionals. A worrisome 60% of us with mental illness may not seek out treatment resulting from concealment, lack of available treatment, or inability to pay for adequate intervention. Mental illness stigmatization is, according to the World Health Organization, “the single most important barrier to overcome in the community”.

Imagine the outcry if the majority of those diagnosed with cancer were abstaining from treatment. Rarely a word is spoken when the illness is easily concealed.

The horror of the Newtown tragedy brought to light the very stigmatization that parallels mental illness. Media outlets grappled to find any history of mental illness of those involved, and began jumping to conclusions once a ‘mental health related motive’ was rumored.  Articles were written about the ‘obvious’ state of the perpetrator, and hazardous generalizations were made between experiences when little accurate information was ever provided.

We are all looking for something to blame in order to make sense of our collective anger, sadness, and terror. However, by throwing blame in the wrong direction we cause further unintentional widespread harm.

I waited to write this blog until some of the media-hype had dissipated. The reason for doing so is because by speculating on causes drawn from the shooter’s personal history we do little to de-stigmatize mental illness or to really come to terms with the tragedy. The reality is that we, the 1 in 4 Americans and 1 in 5 Canadians who struggle with a ‘diagnosable’ mental illness, are no more capable of violence than those lacking a mental illness. In fact, we are 2.5 to 4 times more likely to be victims of violence. This is what the media needs to start reporting, not sensationalizing difference, but embracing it so that we can become a more compassionate and tolerant society.

Perhaps the perpetrator behind the Newtown tragedy did struggle with a mental illness. Maybe he was seeking psychological support, or was isolated. But perhaps he did not. The fact is we may never know. But what we do know is that to insinuate that me, or you, or someone you may know and love is to be feared, shunned, and discriminated against merely because they are battling a mental illness is dangerous. By doing so we are further perpetuating the very stigma that keeps so many from seeking help and support, choosing instead to battle significant health concerns on their own. To continue such negative speak will harm countless others and will do little to ‘add some good’ into an impossibly sad situation.

The people of Newtown have witnessed unspeakable horror and profound loss. If (and more than likely when) the children, parents, educators, first responders, health professionals, funeral assistants, and the entire community seek mental health assistance will we call them crazy? Disturbed? Troubled? Will we shame them for being weak, and blame them for their struggles?

No, we’ll call them human. We’ll tell them it’s ok to ask for help. We’ll encourage them to talk, to cry, to be angry, and to work through every other emotion that may decide to surface. We’ll support them throughout their process and hope that, though they may never come to a resolution about what happened, they will be able to position themselves within a narrative that they understand, and one that allows some ‘peace’.

And so we should do for the millions of us through North American who struggle with mental illness what we already do for those suffering from cancer, or diseases like it. As a collective, we need to call for mental health reform to ensure everyone can access affordable and adequate professional support, and improved mental health literacy to create new found awareness about what mental health is, and how we can best support others. Mental illness does not discriminate, so neither should we.

In the wise words of President Clinton, “mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, but stigma and bias shame us all”. When I sought out help I understood that I would be stigmatized, however I was lucky enough to have the supports in place that made that stigma less palpable. In 2013, let us all work to combat the stigmatization of, and lack of attention paid to, mental illness because at the end of the day health is health, whether its physical or mental, concealed or visible.

Photo credit: davebarger via photopin cc

Like millions I am filled with profound sadness and will have to talk to children about others just like them who should be alive and are not. We will all now know Sandy Hook Elementary School for the most tragic reasons. Tragic because these children are dead and their families shattered forever. Tragic because a mentally ill young man killed them, their teachers and his mother. Tragic because it is easier in our country for him to get guns than help for his mental health problems.

Into this safe place 20 -year old Adam Lanza took a 22-calibre rifle shotgun and killed at least 28 people, most of them young children. He then shot himself. This mass shooting becomes part of the too-long list of mass-shootings that we are all familiar with and the  12 murder-suicides that we have per week in this country.  Mother Jones, in a piece called A Guide to Mass Shootings, reports that of 61 cases of mass shootings, 11 have been in schools.

By truly awful coincidence, yesterday, Michigan changed its concealed weapons law to allow trained gun owners to carry their weapons in formerly forbidden places, such as schools, day care centers, stadiums and churches.

I’ve heard at least six media commentators in the past 30 minutes explain how extremely rare this scenario is. I’ve heard others talk about the particular psychological make-up of mass shooters.  There is a man right now, on the radio, saying how we need to find ways to make sure people with mental illness don’t have access to guns. They are all saying how “this situation” is unique. People are asking, again, “Why did this happen?”

I think it really depends on how you look at “this situation.”  Yes, mass killers, one can only hope, have serious mental illnesses that lead them to do what they do. It’s beyond shocking that armed young men enter spaces filled with innocent people with the catastrophic intent to kill them all. Mass killers, who tend to be young, mentally unstable white men, plan what they are going to do, systematically, with malice of forethought. I don’t think young white men are uniquely, genetically, suited to being mass killers.

Many people might have propensities that are not unlike those that lead Adam Lanza to kill so many people today. They don’t do it.  Adam Lanza’s “makeup” meant that he experienced some part of the culture in a way that took his propensity and pitched it over into actuality.

Although we are not unique, young men here are subject to unrelenting definitions of masculinity as integrally informed by violence. We have no shortage of violence-enforcing ideas in our culture.  We also have no shortage of male, particularly white male entitlement.  While perhaps not so methodical in execution, and as truly awful as this shooting is, the truth is that in the next 24 hours least three women in the US will die at the hands of violent men, many of them with guns.  In 10 days, the aggregated number will exceed the number of people, children and women, Lanza himself,  killed today.

Today 28 people died. We aren’t even sure yet how many were children. According to the Children’s Defense Fund:

• In 2008, 88 preschool children were shoot to death.
• In 2009, 85.
• The number of children and teenagers killed by guns in 2008 and 2009 would fill “more than 299 public school classrooms of 25 kids each.”
• This is twice the number of law enforcement people killed by guns in the same period.
• Fully 87% of children killed in this way, in the industrialized world, are killed in the United States.
• This is 42.7 times greater than the rate for all the other nations combined.

This isn’t a “crime problem.” It’s a GUN PROBLEM. It isn’t a psychosis problem. It’s an entitlement problem. Our gun problem is a symptom of a much deeper, cultural one. One in which our national identity is tied to violent masculinity.

Although more men die of gun violence than women, the fact is, that this is overwhelmingly a male perpetrated crime – whether the victims are male or female. Ninety one (91%) of domestic murders are committed by men, 88 percent of these murders involve guns. And, I know, even though this year marks the 25th anniversary of The Montreal Massacre and six years since the Amish school shooting,  most mass shooters do not set out to kill by gender.  They do however, kill as a gender. These deaths happen because guns are readily available when they should not be in a culture that is optimized for their tragic use.  The same culture that results in so many unplanned, domestic, gun-enabled murders, part of  15,000 single victim homicides a year, is the one that produces mass killers like Lanza. They aren’t separate places.

We’ve tolerated too many of these deaths.  How many bodies do we have to count?  What will it take for the same people grieving deeply today, silent with disbelief, to realize that people are being hunted and to stop electing legislators opposed to gun control? 

GUNS ACTUALLY DO KILL PEOPLE. And we have 270,000,000 guns in this country. Although we are not a militarized zone in technical terms, the US ranks No. 1 in the world for guns/per capita, with 88 guns/100 people — far exceeding the second on the list, Serbia, at 58.2/100

Less than 24 hours before this shooting the National Rifle Association tweeted the following victories and news excitedly:

“‪#Florida nears 1 million permits for concealed weapons

“Did you hear? Our ‪#facebook page reached 1.7 million “likes” today! Thanks for being a friend!”

‪”#ArmedCitizen: A gunman retreated from a ‪#Wyoming nail salon after realizing one of its customers was packing heat

“Victory for self-defense and the ‪#SecondAmendment! ‪#Illinois’ ban on carrying hanguns ruled unconstitutional”

“‪#NRA prevails in Shepard v. Madigan, striking down ‪#Illinois’ ban on carrying handguns! More details to follow.”

But, this one from December 8th this one was special. It was a warning to gun owners:  “Anti-Hunters Want You Labeled as a Domestic Terrorist”

I’m not labeling Adam Lanza a domestic terrorist. Adam Lanza was a domestic terrorist. These children and their families, this country have been terrorized by his actions and the actions of others like him – whether they dramatically fire into movie theatres full of strangers or shoot their wives in the head in the kitchen.

We don’t know for sure yet if the shooter at Sandy Hook knew his victims. Chances are he did – the speculation is that his mother was at the school and may be dead. Access to firearms increases the chance of deadly domestic violence five-fold in the U.S. I just researched an extensive list of facts about this type of violence. Domestic violence was my first thought when I heard about this shooting. Especially in the wake of the Kasandra M. Perkins/Jovan Belcher murder/suicide. Gun proponents suggested that Belcher’s gun wasn’t important – he would have killed her anyway. This is a lie. Gun possession exponentially increases the chances of violent homocide. It increases the rate of accidental gun-related deaths of children. It increases the opportunities for mentally unstable men, living in a society that glorifies violence, to walk into schools in the middle of the day and kill 26 people.

Every year, since 1991, the Center for Women’s Global Leadership at Rutgers, coordinates 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Violence. This year’s theme, From Peace in the Home to Peace in the World, is focused on how the worldwide proliferation of small arms exponentially increases the threats that women and children face.  In the past few years, 6,614 troops have died in Afghanistan and Iraq. During the same period, 11,766 American women died at the hands of men they knew intimately. Many of them shot to death. Many others, so many children, shot accidentally, “collateral damage.”

What does it mean that Republicans in Congress have degraded and continue to hold up passage of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA)?  What does it mean that “no  major gun control legislation” has made it out of committee during the 112th Congress? Why would anyone persist in thinking that these facts and today’s tragedy are not dimensions of the same problem?