• Exaggerated, broad, strong, protective, manly shoulders? Check
• Wide, angled, muscular chest? Check
• Uncamouflaged, tiny, unfeminine, tight butts? Check
• Unabashedly endowed codpiece-protected privates? Check, check, check!

And, the cherry on the top, for good measure, an infinite variety of helmets with cosmetic grills that do nothing but emulate the head-gear of medieval armor. A men’s American Football uniform, to a woman or a man attracted to other men, is the male version of, well, a female cheerleader’s uniform to a healthy, red-blooded hetero-male gazer.

The male gaze (the degree to which men’s perspective dominates visual culture and turns women into objects) is why we don’t usually think about the football uniform as the peacock display that it is or think of players as unnecessarily overly-sexualized. But, hey, what can I say, that’s how I’ve always looked at men in football uniforms. I’m just not male and I’m a soccer fan. Not only does no one consider the female gaze and its possible economic potential, but recent developments show the ridiculous degree to which the male gaze has been taken to here-to-fore unplumbed depths as women make deeper forays into the world of sports.

For example, take FIFA president Sepp Blatter, that beacon of progressive thinking suggesting as he did last Fall, “Let the women play in more feminine clothes like they do in volleyball. Female players are pretty.” Blah. Blah. Pretty mild, run of the mill stuff.

And then, of course, the 2012 Olympic preparations are getting into full gear and the question is: mini-skirts or no mini-skirts for women boxers??? This month the International Amateur Boxing Association (AIBA) is meeting to finally decide whether or not to make mini-skirts mandatory for female boxers during fights. Soon I’ll be able to sleep again. This is, according to the kindly paternalistic dudes at the AIBA, for the women’s own benefit, as it will enable them to “stand out” from the men. Mind you, these are women who fought long and hard to even be able to participate in the Olympics as boxers and who have explained that they don’t even wear mini-skirts when they are NOT boxing.

Aahhh, the Male Gaze. It’s so deeply entrenched in our culture that we don’t consider some of it’s greatest ironies and most ridiculous adaptations. (Just so you know, I am compelled just thinking about it to bat my eyelashes in a sultry fashion as I type.)

Usually, I would chalk the two examples above to so much puerile twaddle, too stupid to spend more words and time on, but alas, I can’t help myself. Because now we have The Lingerie Football League and it’s not fading away as I’ve been longing, naively, that it would.

If you haven’t heard about it yet, let me introduce you to The Lingerie Football League: a “true fantasy” football league in which women play football in bras and panties. And padding. And athletic tape. Oh, and blackening face paint. Teams have phenomenal, sexy-girl names like “Fantasy” and “Bliss,” “Charm” and “Passion.” Their website quotes NBC Sports as saying that today the Lingerie League is “the fastest growing pro-sports league in the nation.” Now, some people castigate women like me (you know, the whiney ones who want equality and think that the planet would be a better place if female people can be understood as multi-dimensional and fully human) for not having a sense of humour. But, I’m here to say “I do! I do have a sense of humour! Otherwise, how on earth could I be a feminist???”

See, the LFL is growing SO fast that it recently announced it’s starting a feeder league to build a multi-generational pipeline of demi-cupped, tackle-football playing boy-toys. YES! Finally! An end to the gender discrimination of professional sports. Is your daughter athletic like mine are? Competitive? Fast? Strong? Here’s a dream opportunity!

The announcement, which I initially thought was a parody, made in October, claimed:

“Now, the league is taking measures to ensure many generations of young ladies have the opportunity.”

I love this! There is more:

“The ceiling on women playing tackle football was formally shattered with the arrival of LFL football in 2009… Inherently, [WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?] the LFL firmly believes that girls want to play football too.”

Kinda like Barcelona’s La Masia for young, talented soccer playing boys. Uh, no.

But, wait! Wait! In case you haven’t had your daily quota of Orwellian raunch culture sexist blather, there is more:

What excites us at the League is seeing the caliber of athletes improve so vastly each season, now imagine in five years when we start fielding athletes that have trained their entire life for the opportunity to play LFL Football’, said, Mitchell S. Mortaza, Founder & Chairman, Lingerie Football League, LLC.

When the LFL hooks up with Victoria’s Secret our 87 percent male Congress might finally find a reason to dedicate just one national holiday to the accomplishments of women in this country. (Remember, you read it here first.)

My question is, at what age exactly, as they go through the youth program, do our daughters have to strip down to their tensile strength skivvies? Thirteen? Fifteen? Last year, the adult women in the league, setting the groundwork for girls interested in this sport, got naked for the press, but not until after several of them posed for Playboy.

Hey, this seems like a super fun way to normalize stripper porn aesthetics and male dominance for girls and boys to me. Thousands attend these games and franchising opportunities abound. Why didn’t we think of this before?

And, if your daughter or even daughters (sisterly bonding over sports is always encouraged) want to learn how to play, there is a fantastic video of player’s butts that she can use to train. And, in case you want to make sure your daughter is no shrinking violet and don’t mind a little salacious, fist-flying, high-potential wardrobe malfunction, girl-on-girlness as a coaching tool… go for it!

Given the company’s devotion to girls’ development and the growth of women’s professional sports I am sure they will castigate some of their biggest fans for spreading rife untruths about girls and athleticism, like this editorial photo caption from Coed Magazine:

Watching chicks play sports is pretty painful, unless they’re wearing underwear and beating each other up. That’s why we love the Lingerie Football League — they know exactly what their audience wants. I know that sometimes watching girls throw an oblong ball can be a little difficult, but that’s why we’re focusing on what you really wanna see… the greatest butts in the league.

The players in this league are actually, really, phenomenal athletes. What are their choices? They have none: there aren’t other opportunities for adult women interested in professional football that match this one. Apparently, the price of playing is to accept your own objectification and sexualization and claim it as your own. Girl power! I’m sure these women are having fun. They’ve just bought into raunch culture’s appropriation and subversion of the language of female liberation and the definition of equality. We haven’t taught these women, because we don’t teach our children anything about gender and feminism.

Instead, we let mass culture with its promulgation of gender stereotypes in the service of profit, teach girls that for them being liberated, and sexually liberated, means having to imitate, or become, strippers and porn stars for someone else’s viewing pleasure: the male gaze. Sure, some women do it because they genuinely get a kick out of it, no pun intended, but most I would hazard a guess, do it because they get paid to and their choices are limited. And, I know that people have free choice and don’t have to take their kids to these games, sign them up to play, attend events, buy franchises. How many ways can we undermine our children? At some point societies actually do make decisions that change their cultures for long-term good. But first they have to be aware of what needs changing. We’re still like fish contemplating water.

Here are some words of wisdom for girls to think of and for boys to consider from women our culture would rather sweep under the rug:

“You think you’re being brave, you think you’re being sexy, you think you’re transcending feminism. But that’s bullshit.” — Susan Brownmiller
“Women’s liberation and empowerment are terms feminists started using to talk about casting off the limitations imposed upon women and demanding equality. We have perverted these words. The freedom to be sexually provocative or promiscuous is not enough freedom; it is not the only ‘women’s issue’ worth paying attention to. And we are not even free in the sexual arena. We have simply adopted a new norm, a new role to play: lusty, busty exhibitionist.” — Ariel Levy

“Being oppressed means the absence of choices.” — bell hooks

Girls are as terrifically athletic as boys, they are playing more sports and are interested in tackle football. But, they can play it clothed, like boys do. If you never read Ariel Levy’s Female Chauvinist Pigs and The Rise of Raunch Culture, pick up or down load a copy. If you did, dust it off and read it to your kids.

Photo Credit: Football Lingerie League

The UFC has signed a reported $700 million deal with FOX Sports and will premiere in prime time this year. Their ubiquity is a sign that they are entering the Big Leagues of sports. So it is time that they act like it and enact a code of conduct, similar to those of other major sports organizations including the NFL and NBA.

As the survivor of sexual violence, this cause is very personal for me.

You see, UFC fighters are rewarded for the popularity of their tweets and the effectiveness of their use of social media. There are monetary bonuses, in fact. So, when Forrest Griffin, Miguel Torres and Rashad Evans joked about rape — each of them making direct or indirect illusions to the Penn State scandal — it is more than just offensive (although that would be enough). It is as if the UFC is rewarding the behavior of perpetrators of sexual violence. When Rashad Evans joked that he was going to, “put my hands on you worse than that dude did to them other kids at Penn State,” well, that was like joking about the man who put his hands all over my body.

Look me in the eye, Mr. Evans, Mr. Griffin, Mr. Torres, and yes, even Mr. UFC President Dana White, and tell me how it’s funny that a man put his hands all over me when I was a child. Now… explain to me again why anything about Penn State’s Jerry Sandusky is funny. Explain it to me and all the survivors of sexual violence out there… and most of all to the (alleged) victims who have so bravely come forward with their gruesome stories.

But more importantly, the only way we change attitudes about sexual violence is through public discourse and to act as a society to stop it. And there is evidence that awareness campaigns and calls for greater societal standards does change minds — just look at the evolution of “wife beating” to domestic violence and the Violence Against Women Act. In fact, VAWA has been helpful on the sexual violence front, too. (Report, PDF)

Joking about rape and off-color remarks about sexual violence are not only offensive, but they are deeply hurtful to those who have survived such experiences. It can be a trigger for survivors to feel a whole host of difficult emotions, including anger, sadness, depression, shame, and frustration. For society as a whole, it is a terrible marker for the pervasiveness of rape culture and its bullying effect on the hearts and minds of women, men, girls, boys, transgendered individuals, LGBT people and more. Joking about rape and sexual abuse is an admission that taking away someone’s power is not only “funny” but somehow acceptable and even encouraged. (This places a cultural expectation on what it means to be a “real man” just as much as it does to be a woman.) This kind of thinking plays into slut-shaming, in which girls are ridiculed and, in fact, shamed for alleged sexual escapades. (Ex: At the age of 11 after developing breasts before any other girl in her grade, a girl can be marked as a slut and openly mocked and bullied by her peers for being promiscuous, even if she is still a virgin and has no desire for sexual activity. This phenomenon has been explored in great detail by Emily White in her book Fast Girls: Teenage Tribes and the Myth of the Slut. I highly recommend it.)

But that’s not the only reason to support this campaign. The UFC has a long history of anti-LGBT remarks made in public forums, including on twitter and in self-made youtube videos. Using gay slurs is another form of bullying and these UFC fighters are considered role models and are idolized by thousands of fans. Just like when Kobe Bryant got fined by the NBA for using the f-word on the basketball court, the UFC needs a code of conduct in place to take swift action when incidents like this occur.

If you feel like me, that it’s time the UFC grew up and enacted a code of conduct, please take a moment now and sign this petition.

Catch up on the campaign here:

• Ultimate responsibility (11/11/11)
• Rally against hate speech, rape jokes (11/11/11)
• Taking it to the octagon — includes links to media clips (11/13/11)
• Observations from the fight deck (11/15/11)
• Being ‘Over It’ (11/16/11)
• Here we go again (12/8/11)
• Tell FOX that rape is no joke! — petition created (12/11/11)
• More UFC rape jokes! (12/15/11)
• Year in Review: A look back at stories of sexual violence in 2011 (12/29/11)
• Take the fight to the UFC — updates to the petition (1/8/12)
• Have you signed the UFC petition? (1/12/12)

Media clips:

• Brief overview of our call for a code of conduct (AP)
• Coverage in the Nevada Appeal
• TV coverage on Channel 13 (ABC)
• The Bleacher Report
• Eddie Goldman of No Holds Barred mentioned it on his podcast
• The press release got mentioned on this MMA blog
• We were interviewed with Loretta Hunt on KNPR on Nov. 15
• Rashad Evans makes joke about Penn State scandal at UFC on FOX presser (SI.com)
• Rashad Evans’ joke about Penn State scandal is no laughing matter (Bloody Elbow)
• UFC reinstates a penitent Torres (Yahoo)
• Dana White responds to twitter troll with prison rape joke (Yahoo)
• UFC should consider measures to placate anti-MMA lobby (SI.com)
• UFC Should shut down homophobic slurs (MMAFighting.com)

This post originally appeared on The Sin City Siren. Cross-posted with permission.

While watching Kourtney & Kim Take New York and Real Housewives of Atlanta (ATL is the best one!) it occurred to me that these shows are pretty telling about the hetero-normative value-structure of marriage in our society. I know some of you are shaking your heads.

What could Kim Kardashian’s 72-day marriage say about the real value of marriage in our society? What could the multiple divorce plotlines (and kept-woman/mistress plotlines) of the combined Real Housewives franchises say about how seriously marriage is valued? Plenty!

After all, what’s more central to the American narrative than the White Picket Fence storyline?  That picture isn’t complete without Mom, Dad, 2.5 kids, and the family dog.  But the White Picket Fence story is just that, a story. It’s not reality — and I’m not just talking about TV.  The reality is that Americans are postponing marriage, co-habitating more, and the divorce rate is still very high (with Nevada as one of the highest!).

Because we’re in a presidential election year and the news is abuzz with all the Republicans making their way through the congo line of primaries/caucuses, we’re hearing a lot about “family values,” the definition of marriage (hint: it’s not for “the gays”), and all the ways that women are too stupid to manage their own bodies.  If the South Carolina primary results are any indication, news that Newt Gingrich asked his second (now ex) wife for an open marriage, is not such a big deal, which is funny if you don’t remember the Clinton Inquisition.  (But it might be a bigger problem than it seems at the moment, since research shows that 62% of Republicans view adultery as a big deal.)

But all of this just points to the elephant (no pun intended) in the room all the more!

Political candidates of all stripes trip over themselves trying to show how much they represent the White Picket Fence ideal (and often don’t). Celebrities want to bathe themselves in the spotlight of wedded-bliss of media-darlingness.  Even if their marriage crumbles like a house of cards Kardashian-style (or is that Britney-style?) or a mere year, Russell Brand-style.

If you think that pop culture and politics are not mirroring back what our true ideals are, then you are genuinely out of touch with reality:

• One-third (!!) of teen mothers didn’t use birth control because they didn’t think they could get pregnant… Hmm, sound like some Teen Moms?

• Americans are way more cool with co-habitation (especially if it leads to marriage) than in the old days, a la Kim Z. on Real Housewives of Atlanta and Kourtney Kardashian.

• And, let’s face it, we’ve come a long way from the days when the inclusion of an openly gay and HIV-positive roommate, Pedro Zamora, on the Real World seemed scandalous.  Well, maybe not a long way.  But a lot more people say that homosexuality should be accepted now than 20 years ago.

I’m not saying that everything on reality TV is realistic or even a good example of how people should live.  In fact, in most cases I think these shows reveal the worst in people.  From wig-pulling to sexist competitions to homophobic and racist comments, there’s a lot about reality TV that is very, very wrong.  And not in the good way.

But I can’t help but wonder if what reality TV is less fun-house mirror and more junior-high yearbook.

Happily married, I will celebrate 15 years with my husband this June.  He’s my high school sweetheart.  Ours is a story that so few have today.  It is, in some ways, the White Picket Fence. But because of that, our story is completely different than so many around us and so many people I meet.  I come from parents who have divorced many times over.  And at the age of 35, I have more friends in my peer group who are or have been divorced than not.

This is not about touting my life or putting down anyone else.  Marriage, like becoming a parent, is a deeply personal experience (and one that should be allowed for all people).  And each individual has to decide if it is right for them.  Each marriage has its ups and downs and only the people in it can decide if it is successful and happy.  And it’s nobody’s business but those people.

But reality TV turns this personal experience into a very public spectacle — from love and courting to engagement to marriage and divorce — it’s all on display.  People can live-tweet their opinions while the episode about someone’s life airs.  It’s almost macabre to me to see the tweets scroll by on E! as the latest Kardashian episode airs, in which Kim tearfully tells her sister that she doesn’t want to be married anymore.  Indeed, it reminds me of when I was in junior high and witnessed my friend breaking up with a boy I liked.

Now, I realize that almost all reality TV is staged in various ways and even scripted at times.  I am not suggesting that what we see in reality TV is pure, unedited documentary.  But there is only so much you can script and strategically frame.  Some of what gets captured is just who those people are. Nobody is “on” all the time!

So when Kim cries to her sister, there’s a part of me that is thinking, “I didn’t know you were such a good actress.”  But there’s another part of me that feels like even though the scene might be staged for full effect, that her remorse for being in that situation might just be coming from a very real place.  And that part of me, the part that sees the humanity in these reality TV stars, feels bad. It feels a little like misery mining.  Are any of these reality TV participants ever really paid the full value for how much of themselves they give away? Is being famous worth it?  Because after the cameras are gone and they are alone with themselves, I wonder if there is ever a moment when they think that maybe, just maybe, the private spaces of their lives were not worth some (fleeting) money or some (fleeting) fame.

But in the meantime, I think reality TV says a lot about our values.  The pandering, the staging, the egos, the fame-seeking manipulation, the lowest-common-denominator plotlines… it’s all just giving us what we want.  And Americans are nothing if not narcissists!

I told you reality TV was my guilty pleasure.  It makes me feel so guilty I won’t be able to watch anymore… until the next time I get sick.

Photo attribution: top photo by Dhammza  via the Creative Commons License.

Bottom photo by Luke Ford via the Creative Commons License.

At the beginning of each year, most of us consider changes we would like to make in our personal lives. I decided to bypass the usual weight and fitness resolutions and focus on institutions I’d like to change. The list is long, but I have prioritized mass-market advertisements because they are pervasive and have the power to shape viewers’ attitudes toward much more than the products they are promoting.

I hope after reading this piece, you will join me in a campaign to improve advertisers’ practices.

My particular concern relates to advertisements that objectify women. If a woman is objectified, she is made less than human. Once she is less than human, violence towards her becomes more acceptable.

The hallmarks of objectification include: (1) interchangeability; (2) reduction to appearance; (3) being an instrument for someone else’s purpose; (4) inertness or passivity; and (5) capacity to being violated or lacking bodily integrity.

Many current advertisements meet most, if not all, of these criteria. Consider the promotion to the left.

Because we do not see the woman’s face, she is fully interchangeable with another well-portioned model. She has been reduced to her appearance with her body used as a display platform, an instrument. Her pose is a passive and vulnerable one.

The advertisements below take objectification further by dismembering the models in addition to containing the other characteristics described above.

A woman who is objectified becomes something and ceases to be someone. She has no autonomy, much less inherent value. She is a thing to be used, abused, and discarded as a man chooses.

If that seems extreme, consider advertisements that portray violence against women or the death of women, showing just their corpses.

Advertisements depicting violence against women are harmful for several reasons. One is that they may be seen as mocking the serious consequences of violence. Another is the possibility that the scenes will inspire a copycat to re-enact them. Most damaging is their message that violence against women is acceptable.

Andrea Dworkin stated that “pornography functions to perpetuate male supremacy and crimes of violence because it conditions, trains, educates, and inspires men to despise women, to use women, to hurt women.” I believe advertisements depicting violence against women have the same effects.

This conclusion is supported by recent research on mirror neurons, those switches in our brains that operate virtually outside our consciousness to cause us to mimic others’ behaviors that we witness. (Yawning is an example.) Clever marketers play on mirror neurons to incent us to engage in the behavior they desire. One would have to study the psychology of the ad executives who envision portrayals of violence against women to know if they intend to engage mirror neurons to that end. But regardless of their motive, that may be the effect of their hateful creations.

Using the power of our pocketbooks and social media, we have the ability to discourage the publication of advertisements that objectify women or depict violence against women. Don’t buy products that are promoted in these ads. Don’t buy magazines that publish them.

Use Twitter to register your revulsion. Post a photo or a description of the ad on Twitter with the hashtag #NotBuyingIt and include the actual Twitter handle of the seller of the product or the name of the publication.

Feel the power of Margaret Mead’s words: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”

Let’s do it!

This post originally appeared on Role/Reboot and is cross-posted with permission. Kate McGuinness is a lawyer who spent 17 years at Biglaw before becoming the general counsel of a Fortune 500 corporation. After leaving that position, she studied creative writing and is the author of a legal suspense novel Terminal Ambition, which will be published early in 2012. She is an advocate for women and tweets as @womnsrightswrter.

The Golden Globes actually begin with celebs trotting down the red carpet. Now, I love fashion. But such a fine line exists between art and objectification of women’s bodies. Speaking of objectification…Miss Golden Globe…the whole idea, the title….puke. Occasionally there’s a Mr. Golden Globe. But too often a young woman parades around because she’s pretty and a famous actor’s daughter…and…that’s it. Can’t we get rid of this nepotistic nonsense?

In his opening monologue, controversial host Ricky Gervais pitted Kim Kardashian against Kate Middleton (lovely). Then he joked about “not mentioning Jodie Foster’s beaver.” Like her movie “The Beaver.” Funny? Not so much. But it was really funny when he teasingly asked Johnny Depp if he’d seen The Tourist (and Depp shook his head no). Later, Gervais offensively joked about women taking time off to have a child. He declared 2011 a “big year for women.” Okay, sounds better. Oh, but he proceeded to call them “girls.” Gee thanks, Ricky. Way to infantilize women.

Emily Blunt presented the clip of Bridesmaids, nominated for Best Comedy/Musical Film. She said it proved women were funny and could poop…everywhere. Now, I LOVED Bridesmaids. Women are funny. They can be raucous and vulgar. But the film possessed so much better humor beyond shit jokes. Couldn’t we discuss Wiig’s hilariousness or the female camaraderie?? Nope, we’ve gotta talk about the poop.

When it comes to diversity, awards shows usually exist in a sea of white dudes. So it was great to see two people of color, Idris Elba (MLK) and Octavia Spencer (The Help), win awards. AND two actors from ‘The Wire’ (best TV series EVER!), the fantastic Elba and Dominic West, were nominated in the same category. Swoon! But I wish Spencer hadn’t won for playing a maid in a racially-charged film. The Help might have lots of women in it that doesn’t inoculate a film from racism. As @divafeminist tweeted,

“That clip tells you so much about “The Help.” Pretty much began and ended with the voices and images of white women.”

Couldn’t agree more.

George Clooney made an ableist joke with knee-injured Brad Pitt’s cane. No, Clooney, say it ain’t so! He then made one of the many penis jokes of the night when he said Michael Fassbender could play golf with his enormous penis. Ugh. There were seriously an assload of dick jokes.

But the most horrifying moment belongs to Seth Rogen. As he stood next to co-presenter Kate Beckinsale, he said,

“I am currently trying to conceal a massive erection.”

What the fuck?! Sexual harassment isn’t funny. Whether he uttered the line because it popped into his head or he just read the teleprompter, doesn’t matter. He agreed to say it. Mentioning your genitalia to a co-worker isn’t humor. It’s sexual harassment, douchebag.

But I didn’t spend the entire night pissed off.

One of my fave Golden Globes moments? When they announced the nominees for Best Actress in a TV Comedy. The camera panned to Amy Poehler (who should have won for the most feminist show – Knope 2012!!) and buddy Tina Fey snuck into her shot. Two feminists on-screen!!

Some of the best moments also came from acceptance speeches. Winning for The Beginners, Christopher Plummer thanked his wife of 43 years, “whose bravery and beauty still haunts” him. Michelle Williams, winning for My Week With Marilyn, said, “I consider myself a mother first and an actress second.” It usually irks me when female actors denigrate or downplay their careers for motherhood. But I adored that she thanked her daughter, Matilda:

 “…Her bravery and exuberance is the example I take with me to work and in my life.”

Daughters and wives weren’t the only ones thanked. Moms were too. Claire Danes (Homeland) brought her mom as her date. When Peter Dinklage won for Game of Thrones (he’s outstanding), he shared an anecdote about how his mom kept telling him fellow nominee Guy Pearce was so good in Mildred Pierce. He said,

“I love our moms because they keep us humble.”

But the best speeches belonged to Jessica Lange and Meryl Streep. Lange, who won for her bravura performance as an aging, racist (ugh) Southern belle in American Horror Story, said:

“I find it more and more rare, or rarer…to find a piece of work that is really beautifully written and gives you something to do.”

While Lange didn’t specifically say so, I sensed she alluded to the increasing difficulty for women to find complicated roles as they age. The indomitable goddess Streep, who won for her role as divisive leader Margaret Thatcher in The Iron Lady, also broached this topic:

 ”In a year that saw so many extraordinary performances by women in leading roles …That any one of these performances in any given year would have been a standout award-winning performance but the fact that they all came this year is really, really good news for all of us because sometimes it seems that serious, challenging, weird movies are like exotic birds, rare, extinct birds.”

Streep, a classy and funny lady (who uttered “shit” on live TV…a woman after my own heart!) gave accolades to women in phenomenal roles, off the top of her head since she forgot her glasses and couldn’t read her speech. In addition to Glenn Close, Viola Davis and Mia Wasikowska, she rightfully mentioned Adepero Oduye in Pariah. Best Actress, Director, Film…Pariah should have been nominated for EV-ER-Y-THING! I love that Streep realized it too.

And of course I can’t forget to mention Uggie the dog, who went up onstage when The Artist won Best Dramatic Film…and upstaged everyone.

Thankfully, some feminist themes emerged. But in a year that witnessed numerous outstanding performances by women, can’t our awards shows move beyond condescension, sexual harassment and juvenile dick jokes? Is that really asking too much?

This post originally appeared at Opinioness of The World and is cross-posted with permission.

I’ve run across a couple interesting mentions this week of Girls Scouts protesting.  And by protesting – I mean vowing not to sell cookies this year!  I really don’t want to think about what would happen if cookie sales just didn’t happen in large swaths of the country.  But what’s interesting is what they’re protesting.

The first group to make news this week was out of Northeast Ohio, where Girl Scouts are protesting for the right to pee outdoors.  Northeast Ohio is planning to renovate scout camps, taking them from rustic to modern, with the help of indoor plumbing.  I remember going on Girl Scout camping trips.  We stayed in cabins with kitchens and bathrooms.  We slept in sleeping bags on bunk beds.  This is not apparently how most troops operate.  I had other opportunities as a child to sleep out in a tent, and pee in the woods.  I’m going to be honest though – I refused to pee in the woods.  I required indoor plumbing (and I still prefer that).

So why protest an upgrade to a campsite? The girls deserve the rustic camping experience.  Mothers and scouts “petitioned, we corrected their misinformation, we appealed to national, we held camp-ins, we worked through the democratic process. We told them every step of the way what would happen if they closed camps,” said Lynn Richardson, of Trefoil Integrity, a group working to keep the camps open.

Cookie sale boycotts were a last resort.  And it likely won’t hurt the troops as much as it hurts the Ohio Girl Scout Council.  Those cookies you shell out $4/box for – about 60 cents goes to the troop making the sale and the rest goes to the Council.  The goal is to hit the Girl Scout Council where it hurts – the pocketbook.

While I’m sure the customers in the North East Ohio region will be at a loss without their annual purchase of Thin Mints, I think these girls are learning a bigger lesson by working through the democratic process and staying strong for their position. 

(I’d like to take a second here and just mention that when I started selling cookies they went for $1.50/box, and when I finished people were complaining about paying $2.50/box.  Which is how I unknowingly owed a huge amount of money for cookies in recent years assuming it had not come close to doubling in price. Why so expensive?)

The second protest: A 14 –year –old Girl Scout is boycotting cookie sales this year because she has discovered transgender children are allowed into the Girl Scouts.  A quote she uses in the video is from the Girl Scouts of Colorado says:

“We accept all girls in kindergarten through 12th grade as members. If a child identifies as a girl and the child’s family presents her as a girl, Girl Scouts of Colorado welcomes her as a Girl Scout… If a child is living as a girl, that’s good enough for us. We don’t require any proof of gender.”

In the video this Scout goes on to explain how productive and important it is for girls to have a single sex space to interact and learn.  It’s true.  It is helpful and has been proven to help girls and young women grow and develop.  Her claim however is that no matter what gender you wish you were, if you are not physically a girl, you should not be allowed in.

It is actually impressive the Girl Scouts have been so far ahead on this issue and welcome children based on who they believe they are and how their family is raising them.  So much of news around children and any LGBT issue usually comes to be because a child is being bullied, or denied the right to live as who they really are.  The Girl Scouts have stood up and said no – and allowed anyone.   If the idea is to give a safe and secure place for girls, that should include those who do not feel safe and secure with boys or in a male scouting group.

While again, another Scout uses free speech and the democratic system to try and create change (well done Girl Scouts for teaching this so well), I feel enticed to actually buy more cookies than normal this year, just to ensure money goes to a good cause that doesn’t base admission on physical gender, but accepts people as they are.

Bring on the Tagalongs!

I’ve always been fat. I’m not one of those fat girls who has stories about when I was thin—because I was never thin. And I grew up with the knowledge that I was fat. When I was three years old I was playing outside with my friends and I got hungry. I came inside and asked my mom for a piece of cheese. I’ve always loved cheese—still do. She cut off a slice and handed it to me saying, “I’ll give you a piece of cheese if you want it but I want you to know if you eat it you’ll blow up as big as a house and no man will ever want you.”

Add to that I’ve always been loud and extremely outgoing and you’ve got a good picture of me—the last person on earth my mother would ever want for a daughter.

I remember in grade school I was so envious of the shy, quiet, thin girls. It was always my summer resolution that when I came back to school in the fall I would not only be thin but quiet and shy—like all the good girls were.

That never materialized.

I first discovered that it might be possible to lead a real life without losing weight as my primary goal when I got away from my parents’ house and went to college. I’d spent every year up to then planning and plotting how my life would begin after I had lost weight. Gradually I began to realize that how I ate and how I dressed were actually my choice and not fully dictated by the embarrassment of my appearance. I stopped dressing like I had to cover as much of my body as possible and I stopped eating in public like I was trying to lose weight.

The first few times I heard someone call me beautiful it didn’t even occur to me that they just might be sincere. It had never occurred to me that I could be beautiful.

Then I discovered feminism. Body-hair enriched, political-jargon clogged, liberal angry-white-suburban-girl feminism; but feminism nonetheless. I had finally found a forum where loud brash intelligent girls could shoot their mouths off and be encouraged for it. And in feminism I found me—or at least a sketch of me. I was not disabled by my belly or a criminal because of my thighs. It was really OK to be full, to be strong, to be solid. I was amazed by these thoughts, enraptured. I bought fat-girl clothes and fat-girl publications, went to fat-girl dances and hung out with fat girls.

One day I was walking along with a friend shooting my mouth off about the pervasive, disenfranchising, patriarchal culture of thin when we came across this sign:

WANTED

Models for art classes

My friend, also a feminist and tired of my rant, turned to me and said, “Well, Teri, this is your chance. Get your body type out there.” It was almost a dare.

I had to do it. It was spiritually, politically, ethically, and morally imperative. How would all the other fat girls learn that it was OK to come out of hiding if they never saw anyone that vaguely looked like them? If I didn’t do it, I’d be a coward and a hypocrite.

When I called they hired me on the spot—without, it may be noted, seeing me first.

I went out that day and bought myself a shortie fire-engine-red satin robe. I figured, why not—if I was going be the only one naked in a room full of people, I might as well make one hell of an entrance.

Contemplating the sexy robe days later in a cold, dank room full of strangers, I wasn’t quite sure I could do it. I toyed with the idea of tearing ass down the hall. I figured they would be too polite to chase me down, rip off my clothes, and make me stand on the podium. But I stayed, peeled my clothes off, item by item, cursed my sense of humor, and made my entrance in the red robe.

For my first pose, I sat twisted so that I was looking over my shoulder. I couldn’t even feel my body. I didn’t look at the student artists. I was terrified. Eventually, though, the pose began to hurt and that in itself brought me out of my fear.

When the exercise was over and I put that glowing robe back on, I took a deep breath and went around the room looking at over 20 pictures of my naked body. Their pictures. My pictures. I started next to a group of young, self-conscious art students—the shy, pretty types I had envied when I was younger. They had drawn me bulbous, dumpy, horrible, crackled through with cellulite. The men in that group had drawn me like a medical illustration: a torso, an arm. Although they were artists, young and unsure of their skill, I recognized myself in their pictures. Looking at myself on their easels was like coming home.

I moved on to a trio of older women—mothers of grown children and grandmothers. They had drawn me full, rounded, luscious, a Venus perched on a wooden box. That’s when I realized that none of the students was drawing me; they were all drawing themselves, using me as a guideline. After that I could breathe.

That night I came home and looked at my full, naked self in the mirror for the first time in my life. There I was. You are here, I breathed.

Since then I’ve come to feel my body. I used to try to stay away from my outlines, my skin. It was like trying to will myself psychologically thin. But now I’ve moved into my body. I can feel myself from my belly to my butt, from one hip to the other. And I now see my body, fully. I’m not a size or a style or a number. I am a poem, a song. I move and exist in time and space. I guess you could say that once I allowed myself to be seen I could see myself.

And I no longer doubt people who say I’m beautiful.

This originally appeared at MoxieMag.com. Republished here with permission.  Teri Heidenreich is a writer from the Midwest. She holds a Bachelor of Science in Theater with a focus in Acting and is working toward a graduate degree in education. You can reach her at terih36@gmail.com.

Photo Credit: John and Mel Kots via the Creative Commons License

Marc Jacobs also knows a thing or two about the fashion industry and its overuse of underage girls to showcase the latest designs and how this glorification of youthful, rail thin women has pervaded mainstream society, making us all a little teen crazy. The design team also knows about the multi-million dollar porn industry concentrated on teens, and our insatiable desire to remain young, youthful, full of giddy life. Cue the pink bubbly music and capricious sexuality. So if Marc Jacobs knows all this about what we want (and what we are told to want), then why is it such a shock that young talent such as Dakota are also willing to dish it out? Remember, she’s a brand as well. She’s her own brand. And in a competitive environment such as Hollywood, she needs to sell.

Time and time again, actresses in Hollywood state that the number of intelligent roles for women are scarce, if present at all. Instead, after the age of 16 (and that age barrier gets younger every few years) young girls are transformed into sexualized creatures, with the industry more intent on exploiting their image than their mind. Women are fillers, props, trophies in movies, and lead roles very rarely combine anything more than body, sex and some forgettable lines. Then, if you can play the game for long enough, you might earn a reputation as a credible actress. Kate Winslet. Meryl Streep. Julianne Moore. Angelina Jolie? And from there? After a ‘certain age’ (presumably Hollywood has the guidelines as to what this age might be, but I’m guessing whenever you stop looking like you could pass for, at the latest 30, you’re done. Or you’re botoxing, plastic surgerying and praying for a revival), as Meryl Streep found out: you might as well just read the ‘witch’ scripts and call it quits.

So now, understanding this concretized way in which Hollywood values youthful white sexualized female bodies, what is a young Dakota to do? Drop out altogether or work the system and start ‘owning’ her sexuality? Enter Dakota’s patriarchal bargain. A patriarchal bargain is a decision to accept gender rules that disadvantage women in exchange for whatever power one can wrest from the system. So she takes the bargain and stays solidly in the system, attempting to exploit what she can while losing any kind of tactile rights or respect she should/could earn, and yet still tracking the years on her resume while she plays the game and more interesting roles might fall into her lap. Just play the game, and maybe you’ll get a prize. And the system stays exactly the same, favoring her body over her content and men over both.

Can she really be blamed? Is it up to her to change the system? Or is she bettering herself and her career by learning that the only way to beat it is to work within its confines? The patriarchal bargain does, however, come with a catch. Inevitably, at some point, actresses will be called out on the use of their sexuality to advance their brand. And in this age of tabloid hysteria, the repercussion will be wide, sweeping and glossified. If she survives this, she might come out on top. Part of the process indeed, as an actress, is to have your sexuality poked and prodded, exposed and abused. That you do it yourself is not the issue, as others will inevitably do it for you.

There is, of course, something to be said about starting a discussion about the issues that face Hollywood women today. And every few editions of Harpers Bazaar, someone will write a trail blazing editorial about women who are successful without having been naked in front of the camera. Its a new thing, something ferocious and strong. The actress will be given a bit of spotlight. But it will not spread like the wildfire we would hope for, but die, and quickly. And everything remains quite the same. Perhaps, should these growing actresses be happy with their little progresses and understand that using their feminine whiles to advance their careers can make them slightly more in command of the path they choose to lead? I’m not sure. Unfortunately, the choice has already been made for a large part of actresses today and they have no options but to relinquish their agency to the Hollywood structure. Most often, for those who choose not to, we will never hear about them again.

Looks like Dakota has made her choice. We’ll see what happens next.

Photo Credit: The Huffington Post

Matchar’s claims that the mothers and grandmothers of Gen Y women (my generation) don’t understand because they never did these things is mind boggling to me!  I’ve sat down with my grandmother for a knitting lesson.  There was only one, and it didn’t go well.  I still haven’t learned anything.  But she knits regularly, and always asks about my mom’s sewing efforts.  Yep, my mother sews – a trick she was never able to teach me, but one she learned from her mother.  I remember a sewing machine being carted back and forth between our house and my grandma’s when I was young.  It was actually just a few months ago I sent my mom all my old college and sorority shirts, for be taken apart and make into a quilt.  Something I would never have the space or patience to do.  My mom has both.

Maybe it’s just my family.  Maybe we’re unique, but maybe not.   It does seem as though most Gen Y women are doing something rather domestic in their spare time as a hobby.  And yes, some also do it, as Matcher said in the Post, to attain greater control of what you eat and wear.   In terms of what I put into my body – I’d much rather have something homemade.  But that is not unique to Gen Y women, or men for that matter, and at the same time – I know plenty of my generation, who don’t have the time, energy, space, or desire to deal mostly in homemade baked goods and cooking.

Is this mania with what was once considered incredibly domestic chores a step backward?  Since it is usually done as a hobby, or for fun, I don’t see it as a step backwards.  Many Gen Yers have chosen just one or two of these areas that interest them.  As for me, I bake, make jewelry, and occasionally cross-stitch. My boyfriend cooks and bakes.  In fact I know a lot of Gen Y men who enjoy cooking and baking – and we never see them as less masculine, so why are so concerned about women looking too feminine, or, too domestic?

Women are more likely to make a career out of these activities, but I also believe there is good reason for that.  Take a look on Etsy: the great majority of shops are owned by women.  Women tend to look for jobs that allow them flexibility.  And let’s face it – running a small, online business from your home, makes it a whole lot easier to pick your kids up from school, be available to take them to the doctor, and the many lessons, games, sporting events and other after school activities.  It also provides added income, especially in a tough economy.  In 2010, 97% of the Etsy community was women. While there are men who own shops on the site, it is dominated by women.

The online world, with sites available to us like Etsy and ArtFire makes me wonder, were the sites inspired by the need to share our handmade hobbies, or were our handmade hobbies inspired by the sites?  If you want to get a magazine on knitting, sewing, beading or any other creative activity, you have plenty of options to choose from.  As Matcher points out, book stores like Barnes and Noble offer endless selections around knitting, card making, canning, urban gardens, or whatever your heart desires.  It is entirely likely these options have always been there – though maybe not in quite the numbers we see today, but you would have had to know what stores to look in for them.  Once again – did our interest spark the endless number of books on domestic hobbies, or did the books spark us to learn?

Either way, I don’t see this trend as anti-feminist, a step backwards for women or as a reaction to the women’s movement.  Trends come and go, and I’m sure we’ll see a resurgence like this again at some point, maybe when Gen Y has grandchildren.  In the meantime, find a hobby you enjoy and keep doing it!

*Photo/Artist Credit: Brianne Bevin of Itty Bitty Press

No one has asked:  What did the boy do to ask for it?  What was he wearing?  Why did he go into the showers with Sandusky if he wasn’t willing to have sex?  Is he coming forward now because he wants money?  How do we know it wasn’t consensual and then the boy regretted it? Was the boy flirting with Sandusky?  How many times had the boy “done it” before?

Some of the lack of victim-blaming is because Sandusky’s targets were children and young teens.  But before you embrace that as the whole explanation, remember these situations:

–11 year old girl raped multiple times by a bunch of boys and young men.  Her neighbors said “she dressed older than her age, wearing makeup and fashions more appropriate to a woman in her 20s.  She would hang out with teenage boys at a playground.”

–11 year old girl sexually assaulted by a 23-year-old man.  The judge said, “I don’t think [the victim] is free of fault.  I think the old adage that it takes two to tango is true here.”  The defendant’s lawyer said the girl was “extremely well developed,” looked older than her age, and was wearing heavy makeup and a “split-skirt” when he met her.

–Three 12-year-old girls raped by a group of young men.   In court they were referred to as “Lolitas.”

There are many more, but you get the point:  Being a child or teen doesn’t exempt you for being blamed for your own attack.

So why isn’t victim-blaming rearing its ugly head in the Sandusky case?  I’d say there are two interrelated reasons: sexism and heterosexism.  Allow me to oversimplify.

Sexism: The idea that boys are worth more than girls.  Females also have sexual powers that can overcome men (see: burqas).  If men do something bad to a woman or girl, it must be (at least in part) her fault.  And since women and girls are of low value, why does it matter if they are harmed?  And why should men get in trouble for it?

Heterosexism/homophobia:  The idea that two men having sex is repulsive, unnatural, and degrading.  It’s unimaginable that any “normal” person (read: heterosexual man) would want to do that.  So of course these boys are blameless.

Both of these systems of belief are heinous and wrong.  All beings have value.  Some people want to have sex with those of the same gender.

And blaming victims is wrong.  No matter how old they are or their gender (and no matter what they wore or drank or where they went).  The boys Sandusky  abused/attacked are getting a pass on one part of the sexual assault experience: being blamed for it. Hallelujah.

But it’s not because we all had a sudden awakening about the wrongness of victim blaming.  It’s time to notice that.

Photo Credit: bookgrl

Lauren Taylor leads Defend Yourself, which teaches skills for stopping harassment, abuse, and assault. She’s been part of the movement to end gender-based violence for more than 30 years, and she works hard not to internalize or perpetuate victim-blaming.